Thursday, October 5, 2017

The Public Meltdown

I know all of you have been in this strange point in your lives. You are at some sort of heavily public place with your kid, and they decide to say, "hey screw you guys were aren't leaving, and if you come to grab me I'm going to scream my little head off and cause a scene. Then you'll have to chase me."

Now some parents are the type to throw that kid right over their shoulder kicking and screaming, then walk out of that place like every action hero away from an explosion.

We love those people. I envy those people, because realistically, I am not that person.

I was the...
"we didn't just drive an hour out to this bacteria infested kid thing so you can ruin it for the rest of the family. So because I'm so mad at your behavior, I'll make a deal to buy you something you don't deserve on the way out so you'll stop being a butthole. Now pretend your happy for this picture."

Sounds like desperation? Sure is... I don't think an experience should be ruined for other members of the family because of the actions of one. Some cases though, this tactic doesn't work, and for the parents that aren't accustomed to the action hero way of removing a unruly child from a public place, these are the steps I used to take. Brace yourselves.

First, what I call the "Parental run" ensues.

This is the capture technique that us parents use to get our kids out of public places. We proceed by glaring at them. Not to draw too much attention, but enough that they know they are going up for adoption when we catch them.

Then the half-assed run begins, this is a run where you are physically trapped between a shamble and a jog. The run where it looks like your trying to hold your miserable dad bod together as if your rolls will fall off at any moment if you move too fast. I say this from experience.

Next part of this horrifying experience is when your child turns and runs from you (they usually smile at you just before this). At this point you'll let out a neanderthal grunt. It sounds a lot like their name, but it's quiet enough where it won't draw attention.

Then the capture... The most satisfying and terrifying part of this ordeal... Your going to grab on to that kid, and your going to want to squeeze her like a cute little stress ball. All while this is happening, she will instanly transform into something closely related to a honey badger, and do you think honey badgers are quiet? Maybe in nature, but not yours.

Matter of fact, this is where your child will be at her loudest, she will even begin to make sounds you have never heard before, not just out of her, but any human you've ever encountered.

Then trying to actually hoist the child up will be the most difficult part of this. He will be screaming and squirming like your trying to kill him, but don't give up. At this point I just pretend I'm an octopus and throw all available limbs at the creature until I've snared it.

Now that you've captured this monster... The "walk to the car while threatening to leave, but we really aren't leaving and they know it." Trend begins. At this point you need to commit to what your going to say, I got to a point in the past where my kids figured all this out and called me on it every time.

To combat this now, the punishments begin after the event when we get home, for hours or even days. It's so satisfying to bend down and whisper to them with a smile, "you are in deep trouble, just wait until we get home you adorable little shit."

Now all kids and situations are different, I just write about my experiences that are relatable to some, if not most parents. We all know the "magazine" or "TV" parent is total bullshit, real life and real parenting is not talking things out every time, or saying all the right things at the right moment, we make mistakes, we cuss, and sometimes regret some things we do.

Here's my take on it. If you always have your kids best interest in mind and they are your top priority. Any decision you make, even if it's the wrong one, you have made with the best intentions, and that's all your kid needs!

Leave a comment and share some of your experiences!

Friday, September 1, 2017

How it feels to be an adult

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

The Mess You Walked Into

Holy crap, what happened here..
A question that I ask myself at least twice a week when I come home from work. My home looks like it was a gracious host to a neighborhood rager and I seem to have found the culprit.
Two children.
Yes... Two dwarf-like humans that find a way to follow my poor wife around all day long and make trash where she cleans then ask for snacks on a 24-7 basis. I am lucky enough to have a wife that enjoys staying home and caring for all the domestic needs and children, while I go to a facility all day and deal with financial needs and adult children.
Trust me this works, I can barely keeps these people alive when I get home.
As I ignore my kids to complete this blog post on how to be a creative dad, they are asking for rediculous things like dinner, snacks, and love.
You know, things that really aren't too important.
All kidding aside folks, you'll come home to your furniture ripped apart or a random structure built out of a very expensive something, and you'll probably get frustrated. Just remember though, they built it with the best of their creativity, they built it with love, and most of all; they have been itching to show you the cool thing they did.
So when you walk in that door just remember, as long as the place isn't on fire or flooded, put a smile on, and act excited at the awesome thing they did with your 2000 dollar living room set.
Then rip your hair out later.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Cardboard Turtle Shells

Turtle Shells.

The quickest way to take overly hyper kids and slow them right down. All you do is cut some holes in a box, and tell them they need to do turtle-y things (Which takes a long time). 

Then you can go take a nap for a few hours. Worked for me..

Just kidding, don't do any of that.

On a serious note, this is a super cheap, exciting project.
All you'll need is a couple dollars worth of cheap paints, scissors, and a box per kid. All of these things you probably already have at your house anyway.

(1/2 a box if you have a really short kid)

Enjoy, and remember, if you ever get stumped on things to create, just try to look at things through the eyes of a kid (Or a drunk adult), before you know it your making turtle shells out of boxes!

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Monday, June 19, 2017

The Best 2 Dollars You'll Spend

Okay Everyone! 
I'm about to drop some serious fun bombs in Blog land.

Does your kid like glow sticks?

Of course your kid likes glow sticks, if you think your kid hates glow sticks; buy them, hand them a glow stick, then send me a message about how you were wrong and Createkidfun has the best ideas.

Just kidding.
Seriously though, brace yourselves.

Step 1: Head to your nearest store that has glow sticks. Its probably a Walmart... Unfortunately we have all had to walk through Walmart at some point in our lives. 

You see some things, strange things... 

Step 2: Fight through the Walmart creatures and make a B line straight to the glow sticks. These things are dirt cheap, grab a couple packs of them.

(Make sure you have your 2 dollars everyone.)

Step 3: Head home with your spoils, then at bath time and crack those things open and toss them in the prepped bath.

That's it!
Your kid(s) will seriously have a blast with this, it's simple and a ton of fun.

When your done, don't throw them away!
Take them out of the tub and throw them in the freezer for next time! (The glow sticks, not your kid) You can easily get 3 uses out of a set.


Dinosaurs chasing cars!

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Start Bugging them!

Not everyone likes bugs.
Matter of fact, most people are going to pass on the bug contact.

There are a large percentage of children that love bugs, more of a percentage than adults anyway. Even if they don't like bugs, they want to get within visual distance of them and examine them.

Do you see where i'm going here?
Whether you like it or not, your probably going to be the person collecting and touching bugs.

Why you ask? It's simple really.
Even if your kid loves bugs, they are going to have a hard time catching them. So if you don't like bugs, well your going to have to get over it for the kids. 😁

I know what its like.
I don't tell many people (and now i'm sharing it with millions), but I can't barely touch a small fish to take it off of a hook. Bigger fish really aren't an issue, but throw one of those demonic Kivers on a hook and my big boy pants are non existent. I need a Hazmat suit and steel plated gloves to help me with those. Irrational fear? Most definitely, just like your fear of bugs.

Happy hunting!

Monday, May 22, 2017

Good ol' Coloring

Have you run out of ideas?

Have your kids pulled your entire house apart and re-purposed everything because of this Blog?

Get your crayons and colored pencils and do some coloring.
Just keep it exciting. 

Its so easy even a T-Rex can do it... 

Now i'm not telling you to go buy a ridiculously expensive Halloween costume to do things around the house with, but this is hilarious.

Things like this are what your kids will remember, things they will laugh about when they are older, and things they will share with their own kids, and judging by the total lack of surprise on Mia's face here, these things happen a little too often...

Remember, they are only young once, make things funny. 

Sure you could sit down and color with them any time, but why not put a cardboard box on your head or wear a costume while doing it.

Monday, May 1, 2017

Fort Time!

Hey look, there's a disaster in my living room,
At least it's a fun one.

Fort building is my favorite thing to do with my small humans, we spend a ton of time finding ways to take nice things and destroy them for momentary satisfaction.

Us adults built forts inside and out as children, it really never gets old. It's in our nature as people to construct, manipulate, and invent.

Just make sure to try to stave off the urge to keep things in order and hop to it.

Let your kids just pile things around until they find something that works and watch the gears turn.

 You can use just about anything... Pillows, blankets, cardboard, couches, curtains, parts of the wood floor (it's really easy to pull them up), vinyl siding, the dining set, parts of the neighbors house,  you know, simple stuff.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Here's One For The Dads

 Alright Dads, 
Don't be afraid.

If you have a little girl, prepare to do things that little girls love to do, one of these things is painting nails.

I know you're probably really cool and wear backwards hats, ride motorcycles, talk about man stuff with men, shoot guns, and eat uncooked steak.

But here's the thing.
It doesn't matter how manly you think you are, if you have a little girl, it is your job and expectation to make her feel special.

No matter what.

It is also our job and expectation as men to show our girls how a man should treat their wives and daughters. You must take the time to pamper her, understand her emotions, and make her feel as though you like to share this special time with her.

So loosen up a bit Dad, it's only nail polish,
and dresses, high heels, glitter, funny hats, tea parties, more glitter, dolls, princess everything, and even more glitter.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Playing With Ancient Artifacts

In the barren depths of the basement, my children have located these ancient artifacts called "VHS" Tapes.

These strange media bricks showed up in society between the 70s and 90s, taking up unused space in every home. Doubling as great items for stacking, chalk blocks, domino's, or deadly weapons. 

If you have some of these priceless items that you want destroyed in a few uses, let your kids rip into them and build to their hearts content. Chances are things will go vertical, and you will not be disappointed.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Design plants!

 Here's another great (and cheap) Project.

This is a totally random occurrence of us seeing something at the store and just going for it.

We bought 2 small flower pots, 2 small wood designs, some paint, and flower seeds.
This whole project came in under 15 dollars.

These kind of projects are the best, this gave us a couple hours of fun and was really simple.
The best part is the kids will have a long lasting effect with this project, they will see their plant grow and thrive all due to their efforts.



 Okay parents, here's how you kill two birds with one stone.

Do you have a dirty vehicle?

Are you a horrible person enough to convince your kids to clean it and make it seem like its a "family" experience?
Great, that's what I like to hear.

All kidding aside, this is great stuff. If your at home with nothing to do, and its decent outside, there aren't many kids that will say no to playing with some water and being helpful at the same time.

Building great memories with your kids is about taking every normal everyday occurrence and creating ways to make them special.

Sure, kids will remember the Disney trip, or the Hotel stays on the road going to great places, but the things that will truly warm their hearts to think back on are small candid moments like this, don't take life so seriously, just fill a bucket with soapy water and throw a sponge at someone.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Kids rocket launch

Sometimes a little firepower is needed for a good experiment.
Building this rocket was a total blast. (No pun intended)

Until the end, when it was time to launch and it was a total dud..
even after the half hour of troubleshooting this thing, and finding out we had bad contacts, the launch was well worth the wait.

This starter kit was great fun and was under 30 dollars for everything (engines are sold separate) 
Make sure to keep your distance and stay safe, the kids will love this.

Just don't put the 1000 foot rated engine in it on the next launch by accident and never see the rocket again like I did.
Yeah it happened.
Still worth it though!

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Easy Dioramas

We're back with some easy dioramas.

 Why are they easy? 
I only had to supply the shoe box and adhesives, cheap and easy, right?

After getting the shoe boxes set up just send your kids up to their rooms and tell them to grab any crap they don't want anymore that you probably spent a ton of money on.
 (your welcome for the honesty) 

If your kids' rooms are like my kids'.
They are just like a black hole in space, everything gets sucked in, nothing comes out, its a disaster half the time, and every now and then they burp out cosmic light particles before the cycle starts again.

Here's your chance to burp out some of those long lost buried toys and put them to use. 
(look now i'm a cleaning blog, again, your welcome)

As always, have fun with it, take your time. It may surprise you just how much your children will love finding a way to create a little environment for their collected treasures.

52 Pickup !

With the right kids, 52 pickup is a totally viable game.

Some kids will know this is a trick...

 Then there's other kids, like mine, who know its a trick, but also want to chase down an entire deck of thrown cards.

I have no idea

Sledding and crashing!

If there's snow, we are sledding, except for Dad, hes crashing.
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Snuggie Tail Race!!!

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Monday, April 3, 2017

Not all heroes wear capes!

...wait, where did he get the pistol
 Here we have an array of basic recyclables you all have right in your own homes. A milk jug, coffee cans, plastic tub, cardboard, animal cracker jug, and a light-bulb box. Just about anything can be used to have a great time, just try to look at things through the eyes of a kid (A crazy one) and you may come up with some insane ideas. 

Just remember, safety first parents! I taped all the sharp edges from cutting the plastic so we wouldn't have any scratches. 

Then proceeded to engage this foul armored beast in mortal combat to which was a tremendous loss on my end, I would love to say I let the kid win, but lets face it, he had a whey protein jug as one of his armor pieces, he had a massive strength buff. 
Ready for combat

The face of a true warrior